just as it should be

I have been struggling lately. Sometimes I feel as though life is just passing me by so quickly that I have no time to sit and take it all in. Before the baby life seemed so simple and I couldn't wait for life to become more "exciting." It definitely didn't let me down. Once she arrived the moments just kept passing faster and faster and faster and there wasn't anything I could do about it. I remember I was nursing Aviana at home when she was just a few days old and thinking how could life be any more perfect? Why did having her change my world and change it so much that I felt in a whirlwind? Then all of sudden the emotions took over and I had glimpses of her being this little girl running around and I broke down in tears wishing and hoping she would not get any bigger than right in that moment. Jerry came in the room when these emotions started and I told him, "I don't want her to get any bigger! Can't she just stay this little forever?" He thought I was crazy at that moment as he said "She is only a few days old! And you will have another baby someday. She has to get big eventually." This moment has stuck with me so clearly and I remember it often and it makes me smile. I still feel like she is growing way too fast. Why has life sprinted forward since having a child? I guess I'll never understand and can't change what will be but I do hope that time slows down just a bit so I can take in each moment with a little more gratitude and joy. Motherhood has changed who I am and how I want to live my life and I couldn't ask for more. Life is simple yet so complicated.

Listen to your life. All moments are key moments.

~Frederick Buechner